A good day!

I was walking back from my last class of the day, spacing a little, and staring at the brightness of the sun through some very beautiful trees, when it hit me. Everything set aside, broken down to the simplest it could be, I felt good. I realized that today had been a good day. I will admit that (unfortunately) I don't often, in fact hardly ever, feel at peace with life and myself. I just think too much about things. Even when I'm as happy as I can be I think too much. Strangely enough, I spent the day alone but didn't feel lonely. Well aside from the time Kate and I were together in our dorm, but she was sleeping and when she woke up, I was sleeping so it doesn't count.

After my realization I let my mind wander as I continued along the path back to my dorm. I can't believe how many things I thought about. It seemed like I had been walking for an hour. Ultimately, some very great conclusions were drawn from my brisk little stroll.

First, I feel a little more comfortable here. Ever since I arrived there has been this daunting feeling in the back of my mind that this just isn't right. I know that in the grand scope of things, this isn't where I am supposed to be, but it is ok. It is ok, because what I feel like I should be doing, I know I have time for and don't need to necessarily do now. Here, I feel like I can grow enough, in my own right, until it is that time. I know that I can, with time, develop a sense of comfort here. Only not comfort with the place, but rather comfort with myself. I need that.

This leads in to my second stark realization for the day. I didn't feel lonely. Most days I do. Part of that comes from, I think, the fact that I might be looking for something that I can't find. Or perhaps I have found it and have lost it or it has eluded me in some way. Not the point. The point is, that this means that I already have grown a little. I have become, as aforementioned, a little more comfortable with myself. I feel SLIGHTLY less awkward about who I am and who I feel like I am becoming or should become. I know that there is still a lot of growth that needs to be done, and there is always room for improvement. I have kind of known that for a while, only now I know for sure that I am up to the challenge.

My friends are looking out for me, and yes even my family is on my side. Tomorrow may not be a good day (a bad day tomorrow is unlikely because I get to see my frisbee family and have lunch with Kathy...I LOVE THEM!), but I am ok with that because today was a great day. I will work through whatever comes my way.


I am me.

: )

(Picture compliments de Peter St. George!)