Hmmm.....I honestly don't know how to explain college life thus far. It is very strange. I feel like it should have been a bigger deal. More significant maybe? Not sure really. I think part of it might be that I am still surrounded by people that I know from high school. They aren't even just people I know but they are close friends. In some ways I feel very blessed to have had that. At other times, well, I feel somewhat inhibited by it. I don't think I have expanded myself or branched out as much as I could have. I don't feel compelled to do so. A personal goal for next term perhaps?
I do know that I have learned a lot since coming here though. I'm not really talking about knowledge or information, which I have gained a lot of, but rather, it's more that I've learned a lot about people. I've learned a lot about people, expectations, disappointment, behavior, trust, and friendship. Combine that with everything I've learned in my classes and you get me, continually shocked at all that I don't know or understand.
I feel like I'm missing people less and less, and yet, I can't say that I feel as though it is a bad thing. Is it a bad thing? Is it a good thing?
Is it possible to feel homesick for a place you've never been to? I go home all the time. I see my family, my friends, and my dog. My room got taken over and I have to sleep on the couch, but I still don't think that's what I'm homesick for. I know that makes no sense but I can't explain it.
As excited as I am for winter break and the opportunity to see people again, I am also a little weary. I'm afraid it will be awkward. It was awkward at Thanksgiving. I don't want it to be like that. I'm keeping a positive mind though. I am excited for Winter Thing and some reunion ultimate with the Southies. Shit yeah!
Tomorrow is my last day of the first term of my first year of college. Hmmm? It has been interesting to say the least. I've made some new ultimate friends, and some new friends in general. I can only hope that I myself have grown. So concludes the end of chapter one!
Now all I have to do is wait to see what comes next....
2 comments:
hello there spoon bud. if it's any comfort.... i am nervous about some reunions too, because i too think they may be awkward. there are like 3 people from my highschool that i am excited to see again, and namely these are the people i hung otu with over the summer. but the others i used to be "friends" with... i could really care less. but ye the "church friends" i am looking forward to seeing, again namely mostly those who i hung out with this summer (which would account for mostly all of ya'll).... but thre are others i did not see as much, and it has the great potential to being awkward. it'll be like my christmases of christmas past.... my cousins and i are so different, and when we see each other- it is fun, but i don't know what to tell them. and now with the death of my uncle (it's been 1 year since at tomorrow's date) things this winter break could prove to be awkward.... ack.
but i thought i'd inform you that.... i feel you. not in the sick manner- ew! but the non wishywashy empathetic kind.
i'm excited to spoon again, though i fear i shall never get back up to you know where now, especially with the ice.... bah. but at least if i fell i could tell you guys how to treat me, as i now am a trained, registered first responder. like a fireman. pretty cool huh? feels good. :)
yeahh college ain't all it's cracked up to be.
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